WELL-VERSED IN TRAPS

FUCK SHERLOCK HOLMES, THIS MAN WAS THE TRUE INSPIRATION FOR GREGORY HOUSE





The line between heroic bravery and complete stupidity is a blurred one and Stubbins Ffirth sprinted over it while chugging a bowl of vomit. Seriously.

Perhaps driven to insanity by his ridiculous name, trainee doctor Ffirth attempted to prove that Yellow Fever isn't contagious (Note: it actually is). His "experiments" were maniacal displays of filth, lack of self-respect and absolute depravity, so it's pity he lived a full two centuries before the invention of the internet.

He subjected himself to possible infection by victims in every conceivable manner--and his brain could conceive manners that would make yours lock itself in the bathroom with a bucket of bleach.

He jammed infected patient vomit, blood and urine into every orifice. This includes several holes he cut in his arm, dripping pus from dying men into his eyes, and he rounded off a nice day of horrific self-mutilation with a filling lunch of fried puke.

Amazingly, these experiments neither got him locked up as a fucking lunatic nor infected him. Real scientists later found that this is because Yellow Fever is blood-borne, and that the late-stage (translation: dying) patients Stubbins was using as a smorgasbord were no longer very contagious.

Still, the odds of his not catching something are on par with playing Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun, but having it jam on a winning lottery ticket that just dropped out of the sky.

A+ DIAGNOSTIC METHODS

I WAS TAGGED TO DO THIS "MEME" BY SOME BITCH

WHO FUCKING HACKED MY JOURNAL

I'M LOOKING AT YOU, SLASH FANS

( CLICK THIS CUT TO RECEIVE MANY OBSCENE DELIGHTS )

I AM HAVING THE BEST PRE-SEASON PARTAY EVER

AND NONE OF YOU ARE INVITED

I WILL TELL YOU ONE OF THE PARTAY GAMES THOUGH - GUESSING WHICH 65% OF THE SPOILERS THAT HAVE BEEN LEAKED ARE LIES (HINT: AT LEAST 50% OF THE LIES COME FROM THE INTERVIEW WITH DORIS EGAN)

PARTAYYYY

 AS: "You killed off Amber, and Wilson blamed House for it."

"IN BROAD STROKES, WE'RE OBVIOUSLY FOLLOWING UP ON THAT YOU DUMB SLUT.  WE HAD A LOT OF FUN AND TEARS FOLLOWING UP ON THAT IN A HILARIOUS BUT REALISTIC WAY.  IT DOES NOT GO UNNOTICES, SINCE NONE OF MY GENIUS EVER DOES.  IT HAS AN EFFECT ON THAT GIANT WALKING PUSSY AND IT HAS AN EFFECT ON THEIR MAINLY HETEROSEXUAL BOND."

DF: "Realistically, how long can that play out for?"

"NOT THAT LONG, ARE YOU AN IDIOT OR SOMETHING.  THIS SHOW IS ALL ABOUT THE NEXT BIG THING.  WE LEARN SOMETHING ABOUT WILSON'S ~*~TRAGIC PAST~*~ WE LEARN SOMETHING ABOUT HOW BADASS HOUSE IS, AND WE LEARN SOMETHING ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP (NOT THAT).  (BUT) I DON'T THINK ANYBODY EXPECTS WILSON TO BE OFF THE SHOW, NO MATTER HOW MUCH BOBBY FUCKING WHINES."

AS: "And you don't want to separate those two for very long."

"I WOULD, BUT THEY WHINE LIKE TINY CHILDREN WHEN THEY GO MORE THAN 2 HOURS WITHOUT SEEING EACH OTHER.  ANYWAY, IT'S NICE TO MESS IT UP AND SCREW WITH IT FOR A LITTLE WHILE FOR THE LULZ."

THAT'S RIGHT, I BRING YOU SPOILERS.  WORSHIP ME.

 

 

A STILL OF A SCENE WE SHOT BEFORE HUGH AND BOBBY FUCKED OFF TO GOD KNOWS WHERE

IN THIS, HUGH, IN COSTUME, ACCIDENTALLY WALKED IN ON BOBBY CHANGING FROM ONE COSTUME TO THE NEXT.  FORTUNATELY, THE CAMERAS ARE ALWAYS, ALWAYS ROLLING.

I KNOW THOSE FUCKS ARE NO LONGER IN DISNEY WORLD SOMEONE BETTER GODDAMN TELL ME WHERE THEY ARE OR I AM PUSHING SEASON FIVE BACK BY THREE MONTHS AND PUTTING A TWO WEEK BREAK BEFORE THE SEASON FINALE

WHERE THE FUCK ARE HUGH AND BOBBY

THIS IS HOW WE GOT BOBBY TO CRY ONSCREEN FOR THE FINALE EPISODES.

THIS IS FOOTAGE WE HAD TO DO A LOT OF CGI ON, WHICH IS WHY THE QUALITY IS SO CRAPPY - WE DIDN'T BOTHER USING THE GOOD FILM ON THIS SHIT.  THIS IS HOW WE HAD TO FILM THE MAKE-OUT SCENE FROM "LIVING THE DREAM."

JASON GODDAMMIT

davidshoredaily

THIS IS THE WORST FAIL

THAT I HAVE SEEN FROM YOU IN QUITE SOME TIME

AT LEAST SINCE YOU ALLOWED MY CUTLERY TO BE REMOVED FROM THE PREMISES

IF YOU SEE HUGH MOPING

OR PRETENDING NOT TO MOPE

ALL AROUND THE LJ JUST IGNORE HIM

HE IS ACTING OUT FOR ATTENTION

CAUSE HIS ~*~AMERICAN BFF~*~ IS GONNA LEAVE HIM FOR THE PUSSY

MOTHERFUCKERS I AM CHANGING NEXT SEASON ALL THE FUCK AROUND

YOU HAVE NO IDEA

NEITHER DO THE WRITERS OR CAST

BUT THEY NEVER FUCKING DO ANYWAY

OUCH BANNED I AM ROCKING MY HEAD RHYTHMICALLY AGAINST THE WALL EVEN AS WE SPEAK

OR NOT

THERE WERE SO MANY INVITATIONS TO SUCK MY ENGORGED COCK I NEVER GOT TO EXTEND TO SO MANY BEAUTIFUL AND UNIQUE PEOPLE

HUGH

THIS MIGHT BE RELEVANT TO YOUR INTERESTS YOU SICK FUCK

THEY ARE ALL GOING TO LEAVE YOU ALONE HUGH, ALONE WITH YOUR TRUCKER HAT AND YOUR BOAT

OMG SOMEONE COME GET HUGH OUT OF MY MOTHERFUCKING BASEMENT

HE IS JUST LAYING THERE ALL LISTLESS AND ANNOYING AND I AM KIND OF AFRAID THAT HE WILL STEAL ALL MY SILVERWEAR IN SOME HALF-HEARTED ATTEMPT AT REVENGE

I MEAN

I CAN GET NEW SILVERWARE

BUT I WILL HAVE TO RE-PUNISH HUGH AND TO BE FRANK ALL THIS PUNISHING IS GETTING TIRESOME

SRSLY SOMEONE COME GET HIM OUT OF MY BASEMENT BEFORE I TIP MY HOOKER EXTRA TO CARRY HIM OFF AND DUMP HIM UNDER AN OVERPASS